Ano Daw Idtong Sa Gogon?

 

Ano daw idtong sa gogon?

Bulawan bagang paghilngon;

Kan su sakuyang dulokon

Ay, ay, burak palan nin balagon!

 

Kan su sakuya nang ki'kua

Sarong tingog ang nagsayuma

“Hare man ako pagkua-a,”

Ay, ay, burak palan ni Maria!

Mhentz & Ching

Mhentz, my fourth brother, and Ching, my only sister—in our brood of six—are the two stars that shimmer and shine on a field called my life.

 

It is said that when we were younger, Mente [Mhentz] and Nene [Ching] always played together—they shared many moments together, and they excluded me from their games, horseplay and other kids stuff. I hardly remember that.

 

But if at all, theirs is a friendship worth emulating. Theirs is a partnership that always makes me feel out of place. Whenever I disagreed with Nene, or quarreled with her, Mentz was there to defend her. Mentz always collared me if I didn’t show any respect for Nene.

 

Mhentz always proved to be Ching's knight in shining armor—and I was the villain that rendered her damsel in distress.

 

Years from now I will establish a printing press named after Mhentz and Ching. Mhentz & Ching™ will be a successful printing press specializing in academic and sensible publication. It will publish poetry collections, anthologies, and manuals about friendship, about love, about life.

 

Like the renowned apparel brands in the country folded and hung, Plains and Prints, and the fashion tandem Dolce & Gabana, or the international publisher Hill and Wang, Mhentz & Ching will be a name to reckon with, and it will thrive, I know; and it will sell.

 

For it is hinged on life; and it is grounded on love.

 

 

March 2005

Ciudad Pasig

Margarita

Nonoy Remembers Lola Eta

 

Nonoy’s grandmother, whom he and other cousins would fondly call, Lola Eta, is the grand dame of the wonderful San Andres clan, Nonoy’s clan.

 

She had a personality uniquely her own. Among others, she is respected by all people in their village, a peaceful town where Nonoy and his cousins, all her grandchildren, grew up. This was during the early 1980s.

 

As a child, Nonoy would see her dealing with their tenants in a mighty but friendly voice, speaking sensible words, full of witty jokes and all—traits that would make anyone think she has the making of a future president. But she had not become one, not even of Nonoy’s own country.

 

In more ways than one, she had been a major influence to most members of their clan. Through old age, Nonoy’s grandmother has remained a strong-willed and generous woman who preserved her own dignity and honor.

 

In her eighty-one years, Margarita and her husband Emiliano had lived long and well.

Mga Nagkapirang Bansag sa Bagacay

 

 

Pasintabi [Dispensa]

Dakul an mga maaanggot sa gibo kong ini. Alagad hinahagad ko sa siisay man na mabasa ka’ni na an minasunod sarong personal na horophorop sana asin minsan man mayo ning dakulang katotoohan, kundi gibogibo lang kan imahinasyon kan sarong kalag na pirming naroromdoman an pantalan sagkod Sabang kan saiyang pagkaaki—an saiyang nakaaging haloy nang nabayaan, asin ta gusto nanggad balikan, ta’nganing siya ‘baad makaantos man sa saiyang padudumanan.

 

Ta'no ta uso an baransagan sa lugar na arog kan Bagacay? O mas maray gayod hapoton, ta'no ta may bansag sa kulturang Pilipino?

 

Sarong blog an may maation na paliwanag manongod digdi. Bako lang nganing wholesome. Tibaad sa panduwang parte kan osipon tang ini, makasurat kita nin mas malinig-linig na paliwanag.

 

Mientras tanto ngonyan, basa:

 

"Yang pag-bansag ay tunay yan sa Pinoy barkadahan. Tulad ng “Boy Negro, Totoy Riles, Junior Siga, Erning Sak-sak, Nonoy Palos, Pepen’g Toma” at iba pa…Yan ang ilan sa mga bansag sa mga tigasin sa amin nuon. Meron din naman’g bansag duon sa medyo mga tigas titi ika nga, tulad ng: “Berton’g Kanal” (dahil bad breath itong batang ito palagi!)” Don-don Kuliti” (mahilig manilip sa banyo ng mga babae!) “Boy Tisoy” (Albino itong si Boy!) “Nestor Pari” (anak daw si Nestor ng pari) “Etoy Pasilat” (suki ng mga bakla!) “Boy Kabayo” (mahaba ang kanyang pang ihi!) “Temyong Banyera” (balitang hinampas daw ng banyera ng asawa niya nuong mahuling pina-pakialaman ang babaeng katulong nila!) at siyempre naman si “Teresan’g Mapagbigay..a.k.a. Generous Tessie”! (pag napili ka ni Tessie Generous pag kayo ay nag-iinuman? I-handa mo na ang katawan mo at uubusin niya ang iyong lakas sa magdamag na…..!) Nuong maliit naman kami, pag na-tae ka sa pantalon mo dahil may nakain kang di mabuti sa eskuwelahan?……. “Boy Ta-e na ang bansag sa iyo hanggang lumayas ka sa lugar niyo para mag-OFW sa ibang bansa…ipagdasal mo lang na wag mong makasalubong sa kalsada ng Stuttgart, Germany, ang isa sa mga kababata mo, habang akbay mo ang gelpren mo at isigaw niya ang bansag mo nuong bata pa kayo na “Boy Ta-e! kamusta na!”. Harinawang na-aliw ko si Papsie mo sa mga ala-alang istambay na mga kalambogeysion’g nabanggit ko"

 

Udo’

An bansag sarong pagpakaraot kan siisay man na nagpa-uso kaini—tibaad may dakulang kaanggotan sa binansagan. Maski siisay man siguro, dai maoogmang apodon nin sarong tataramon na nungka magiging mahamot. Mamondo, ta an pamilya na Tio Moises bihirang makingirit sa tawo—nin huli na sa bansag na ini, alagad maski para’pa’no, nakakakua man giraray sindang trabahong maghawan sa may eskwelahan o sa libod kan dating kapitan.

 

Turo’turo

May uno-singkwenta ka lang, makakapabolog ka na sa may Baybay sa may kataid kan tindahan ni Molata—tapos pag kalbo ka nang maray, masusupog ka, masusuya ka kaya makutipas kang pauli sa Banat. Tibaad mahiling ka kan crush mong may tindahan saka karihan sa pantalan. O susurugoton ka kan mga kaklase mong taga-Baybay arog ni Jonel. Dai naghaloy naghali na an mga Jurado sa Zona Doz; si aki kan parabolog na kaklase mo dai mo na nahiling giraray. Kan magbalik sa lolahon, daragahon na siya; ika supot pa man giraray.

 

Tu’lang

Naroromdoman mo si kagubay ni Nene sa grade 1, na kakolor ni Mente, na may alternative na bansag na Bones. Iningles lang. Daing duda ta maroromdoman mo an garo kalaberang parti daryo kan mga Tagilid sa atubang na Molata. Ngonyan iisipon mo na an mga aki ni Bones siguro may kadikit na man na laman.

 

Tampa’wak

Malaen an bansag mas lalo kun dai mo naintindihan an kahulugan kaini. Naaarog na man lang an pag-apod kan sarong pangaran base sa kinaugalian o sa natu’dan nang pagkabisto sa personalidad o pamilya. Minsan man nanggad an bansag, naisasambit, naipapalakop nin huli sa grabeng kaanggotan o pagkasuya. Inda.

 

Talapang

Maski ngonyan dai mo pa maintindihan kun ta’no ta an daing hwisyong aki na si Roderick—na ngonyan gurang na man ta kuta’ na kagubay mo siya sa eskwela—iyo an maroromdoman mo sa bansag na ini. An makaherak na estado kan saiyang pag-iisip—na dai mo manenegaran mas lalo kun matukaw ka sa enotan pagsimba mo sa kapilya—mas mapararom lang kan saimong pagtubod sa daing-kabaing na misteryo asin kaomawan kan satong Kagurangnan.

 

Tagilid

Taragilid an harong na maaagihan mo pasiring sa Baybay, siguro sa posisyon kan mga harigi kaini. Maski gayod bakong side-view hali sa tinampo an kiling mo sa may ka-Analyn, kan pigtugdok an harong tibaad may nakabalagbag na gapo an sarong harigi kaini, dangan sa pag-agi kan panahon dai na nahira pa. Sa istorya ni Joan na sarong mahuyong aki, nahihiling mo an capacidad kan tawong maging matanos nin huli ta siya nakakanood nin tama. Nin huli ta aram niya an tama. Kaya nungka nuarin man an buhay niya malalaag sa tagilid. Hilingon an Balagbag.

 

Singaki’

Mayo kang gayong madadangog manongod sa ama kan kaklase mong taga-Banat sagkod sa matuang aki kaining naging aktibo man na hoben sa barangay, nin huli na siguro ta an tuninong na buhay nakukua sa mas tuninong asin hipos na pakikiiba. Hilingon an Amid.

 

Pating

May pamilyang nag-estar sa dating harong na hinalean kan tiyaon mo. Kun mahihiling mo an ama nindang malungsi na halangkawon na tawo, maiisip mong dai tatao an nagbansag sainda—o tibaad sa ibang pagkakataon, an malangsion na kinunot [ta dai lina’ganan nin bastanteng la’ya] na tininda sagkod kinakan sa saindang karihan bakong pagi o tabangungo kundi balyena.

 

Pa’sit

Madaling ipaliwanag an bansag na ini na nagtutuyaw sa ugali kan tawong minsan bagla ta aki o pusngak pa man nanggad na kaipuhan pa an tabang kan magurang para maging malinig sa saiyang hawak. Pero kun an pagkaaking arog kaini napapabayaan asin dai nagigiyahan kan magurang, siisay man baya an nadadamay kan danyos kundi an gabos na katungdan? Iba pang apod, pa’siter [sarong tawong namama’sit o trabaho an pag-pa’sit].

 

Onabis

Tibaad hali sa kantang Espanyol na may lirikong, Solamente, Una vez. Sa Ingles gayod, one time only. Yaon sa memorya mo an pagtandayag kan damulag na guyod-guyod kan ama ni Junior hali sa oma ninda sa Banat. An gurang may ugom na mama’, kolor kamagong an ngaragngag nin huli sa tabako sagkod bunga, puti-puti an buhok dahil sa kolor bali’gang na kublit, alagad an dungo niya mestizo. Una vez, Senior. Una vez, Junior. Una vez, tisoy.

 

Maleta

An ama paratambal an sideline. Kaya kun nakagat ka kan ido sa libod, dumalagan ka tulos ki Pay Elis, mayo ka nang problema. Pero nata’ maleta? Tibaad an sarong aking nag-istar na ta nakaagom nin taga-Naga pag-uli pag pista may darang sangkaterbang maleta. Pero para sa gabos na aking babayi kan mag-agom na Bago, may most eligible bachelor na taga-Baybay na driver kan halabaon na jeep ni Magan saka sarong CAFGUng nadestino sa checkpoint sa Banat an nagpatuyatoy magdara man kan mga maleta ninda para magdagos dangan mag-estar nang haman sa harong ni Pay Elis asin kan saiyang mga kadaragahan.

 

Lupig

Naipagamiaw sa gabos an bansag na ini huli sa dakulang pagpapakaraot. O nin huli sa libog kan tawong binansagan—an tataramon pano nin karigsokan, pano’ nin karara’tan. Pero an realidad sa barangay kaidto—bibihira an istoryang panlulupig o panlulugos. O tibaad mayong kaso ta mayo man nagrereklamo. Baga man igwang kaso, magayon sabihon sa mga kahobenan na an babayi sagkod lalaki nag-pakro’ man lang.

 

Langoy

Yaon sa memorya ta an itsura kan haralangkawon na mag-arama, o mag-irinang taga-Iraya—mga Yao Ming an pagka-langkaw. Six-footer maski an nguhod na aking sadit pa—haralabaon an kalamias.  Siempre sa paturungkadan hanggang sa Mauban, ultimong mga kabuhan ni Diaz an nakaantos. Siisay man baya sainda an malalamos? O ano daw ta bakong Sangkayaw?

 

Laki’

Sa tradisyon na ipinaorog sa mga bansag na Amid, Irago, Singaki,’ o minsan Buaya, an bansag tibaad nakua sa itsura kan lalaking an buhay-buhay sa barangay prominente nin huli ta kun kadakul-dakul an aki. Sarong dosenang aki, oragon man nanggad. Kun lampas anom an aki mo, listong minakuldas an isip kan ibang tawo na ika mahilig, o matinik sa sex. An mga bansag na animal, o supernatural minasabi kan superhuman mong capacidad. Dawa ngani an agom na si Tia Sining bihirang magngirit kun masasambitan mo an manongod sa saiyang maboot asin trangkilong agom.

 

La-hot

Simple an recipe mo. Urubaki an kabangang latang tres colores na hali pang Buyo. Siriakon mo an kamoteng katamtaman an pagkadarakula. [Amay pa lang, suguon mo na an aking maghagad nin tanglad sa kataid—siguradohon mo lang na dai maglantuag.] Mag-ga’ga nin tolong tabong inuman na tubig sa kawa. Kun nagkakala-kaga’ na an tubig, ilaag na an mga kamote. Dai paglingawing asinan an tubig bago ga’gaon. Tama lang an tinungod mong sarong kilong asukar na 99. Dai dapat ma-lu’nok an kamote—daing data man an rurunot na kamoteng nagralataw-lataw sa lasaw na sabaw. Si tanglad, garo dai mo pa nailaag. Ano an namit ka’yan? Kun masala’ ka sa pagluto kan simpleng lutoon na ini, sa sunod na hapon baduya na man an lutuon mo. Baka mas masiram. Bakong may singilon ka pa sa mga nag-eentre-kuwatro ka Langoy?

 

La’bunok

Magayon magkawat sa mahiwas na oma ni Tio Berto harani sa may tinampo. Pag-uuran nin makusog, an tubig minadalihig hali sa ba’bul na Absin. Kaya kun marawraw ka sa oma—maguma nin talusog sa may imburnal o mapaatong nin baru-baroto—maluway-luway ka lang ta aram mong pirang beses nang nag-ralabunok si Tiong Berto sa sadiri niyang laboy, kaaarado, kahihilamon—kababantay kan saiyang paroy. Hilinga, an mga muro niya sa bitis bararikig na sa pirang taon nang pag-ooma. Dugay na man siyang nagtatanom nin paroy. Nag-aani. Naggiginik. Nagtatahop. Nagbubu’nag. Nagpoponpon. Nagpapamolino. Siempre kaibahan kan mga makuapo niyang aki ni Tiang Cely. Daog ka lamang ni Judita sa paghilamon.

 

La’ya

Dai ka magngalas kun ta’no an mga Saavedra binansagan la’ya. Derivative ‘yan kan la’yab, o pareho kan ilad. An mga aki ni Eta sagkod ni Miling natural na mala’yabon [negatibong basa—marugi, mainartehon; positibong basa—karinyoso, romantiko]. La’yab! La’tog! La’tog, la’yab! Yan! Puwera suba, maray-rahay na agom an mga Saavedra. La’ya. Dawa saen na lutuon sa kusina, pirming may panpanamit an mga Saavedra—hinahali an langsi kan dilis-Pasacao o turingan, pinapana’gom an matayam na sabaw kan gina’gang karne. Maski girison, o mas maray pulpugon, an tagok na maharang-harang, lintian na siram!

 

Kulatid

Naitatak sa sarong kaklaseng maniwang an tataramon na ini na siguro pirang Bikolanong doctor lang an may aram. Siempre pag nagtaba na an maniwang na lalaki pagkatapos mag-agom, an pagbansag siguro mapopondo na. Dawa an mga ulod-ulod sa bituka kan mga aki yaraon pa.

 

Balo’og

An apelyido kan sarong dakulang maestra sagkod an maray-rahay na niyang impluwensyang naipasabot sa gabos na ka-rabuz asin kabarangay, naging sarong dakulang balaog,o biyaya sa Bagacay. An maestra amay na nabalo, kaiba an anom na nailong mga aki; nagtios an pagbuhay kan pamilyang ini. Sa simpleng buhay sa barangay nakanood an magturugang na maglapigot nin huli man lang sa saindang ina. Higos, tiyaga sagkod pagka-magalang sa tawo dai nawara. An magturugang nagdarakula asin nabuhay sa gusing hali sa dagat—bugitis sagkod tiad-tiad na tinatakad sa Veedol, dangan an pinatos na tiniktik, tahong, saka baloog na tinatangro kan taga-Baybay paboritong gisahon o minsan sabawan para sa mainit na pangudtuhan o pamanggihan sa malipotlipot na banggi. Duwang bagay man nanggad an buhay—pagtios saka sarong tasang sinabawan na baloog. Puwede man an Balaog. Hilingon an Balaw.

 

Balaw

Hiniram man o la’bas, pirming masiram an ginisang balaw sa kadakul-dakul na kamatis na tina’wanan pa hali sa libod. Nin huli ta mayong sogok na pang-omelet, bastante na an kapeng tutong na bagas para dai mo malingawan na nagpamahaw ka bago mag-larga pa Naga para mag-eskwela. Dai baya pag lingawi an balon na balaw para sa entirong semana—pwedeng pambangot sa alang na natong; pang-duwa sa sa’bang gaga’gaon para sa pamahaw. Dai ka magsuba sa nagkakakan nin balaw ara-aldaw—iyo iyan an nagpapalisto sa mahigos mag-adal. Dai mo pa siguro nadangog si istoryang kan aking matali na aki kan Balaw.

 

Balagbag

Bakong tanos. Pero bako man suwi. Nakakaulang lang. Iba man idtong ulang-ulang. Mas lalong harayo na an buru-budlangan. Sa propesyon ni Gasoy ngonyan, pirmi nang siya an dakulang ulang-ulang sa buhay kan mga may morosong consumedores kan Casureco na talaga man nanggad consumido na sa electric bill nindang bulan-bulan naglalangkaw. May PPA na, may E- VAT pa!

 

Aswang

Dawa an mga mata ninda bakong diretso an hiling sa tawo, nin huli siguro ta dakul an aram na sikreto—dai ka tulos matubod sa pagpapakaraot nin huli ta an aking matua magayon-gayon na maboot-boot pa; an matuang lalaki mainadal, matali dangan mahigos. An pamilya mayo man problema, siguro ta’ an tawo mas nagtutubod sa dai nahihiling. Ignorante sa Diyos, natatagalpo siya sa sadiring gawi-gawing dai diretso. Pero kan maaraman mong pirang aki sa tulak an nawara kan mga inang nagpabaton, maduwa-duwa ka; asin ta kan mahilot kan misteryosang babayi an helangon mong tiyuon, mangalas ka ta naparahay siya. asin ta kun masasabotan mong an mga bados na nasambit daing tultol na pagkakan, asin ta an tiyuon mo marigsok nanggad sa laman—sa rarom kan eksperiensyang ini, tutubudan mo asin tutungkusan an duwang bagay—sciencia sagkod paciencia.

 

Amid

Basi’ an kolor kan kublit ninda an dahilan, pero mas orog diyan, an pagkompara sa saindang pamilya sa sarong oragon na hayop sa kadlagan, dai na kaipuhan pang ipaliwanag. An pamilya ni Boboy saka an ama niyang si Tio Lino pirmi nang yaon sa list of major figures sa Bagacay, nin huli na man kan saindang kaisugan, kan saindang kasarigan. Bistado si Elino bilang kagawad kaidto. O Siisay man baya an makakalingaw sa mag-agom na albularyong lakop-lakop an pambobolong sa mga ka-barrio nindang may helang o na-anayo—magpoon sa naingas hasta sa natuka nin halas. Dai makangangalas kun ta’no kuru-kulambitay an saindang popularidad sa kada kabarangay sa Bagacay.

 

Agap

Mayo kang gayong maromdoman sa sarong kaklaseng si Jaime sa Grade 1 kaidto, ta siguro mabooton siya. Daing gayong girong, bara’gohon an gamit niya kan naglalaog sa klase. Buru-budlangan ka pa man ngani sa klase ni Nene kaidto kaya garo saling-pusa ka na, maski kadto pa. Terno pa an short sa t-shirt niya sagkod an mga gamit sa bag makolor sagkod garo bagang maogma. Garo man lang ika. Pero an amay niyang pagkagadan kan siya malamos sa tanga’—ta dai nasalbar kan mga kairiba niya—mapatunay na an buhay saro man nanggad na irony, o kabalintunaan. May you rest in peace, Jaime.

 

Da Vinci Code

Rating:	★★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Other

I
Risks and Payoffs from Altering History

“The book is not well-researched,” bestselling author Anne Rice is quoted as saying, when reached for her opinion about Ron Howard’s upcoming film “Da Vinci Code,” a much anticipated film thriller largely based on Dan Brown’s 40 million copies-seller.

Famous for his Vampire Chronicles, Rice has to say that Da Vinci Code is “fiction”—yet, still, people the world over might have the dilemma of accepting anything they’re presented as truths even if it were largely fictitious.

In fact, Da Vinci Code has so far sold 40 million copies worldwide and Dan Brown is said to get some 6 million US dollars for the book’s rights alone. Meanwhile, film director Ron Howard, endorsed by Brian Grazer and backed up by sensible screenwriter Akiva Goldsman, will have his own paycheck this next weekend when the much anticipated movie opens worldwide.

Like any other fad, perhaps, it is useless that this Da Vinci Code mania might just fizzle out misconstrued and misunderstood—or becoming either—famous or infamous.
Like William Shakespeare, Dan Brown must have sought his own fame by writing and rewriting history through hodgepodge literary work.

As is obvious, Brown borders sensationalism just—such desire to only sell, or obtain fifteen minute of fame—by disproving and discrediting Christianity his vital material to thrill his readers.

The use of real-life characters to be immersed in otherwise imagined realities borders sensationalism—not much different from such attitude that wants to sell at the expense of the lives of people who have established truths for themselves for a long time.

For example, the Opus Dei sensibility shall always be marred when they are portrayed as the clandestine hierarchy that intentionally concealed Jesus Christ’s marital relationship with Mary Magdalene and their eventual children.

As a sensible tool of history, literature is a vital instrument to influence people about what really happened in the past, especially when the matters involved is one of their faith—which, for a significant number of people, has been the essence of their existence.

Now with their faith being debunked, disproved or discredited because of one imaginative work of the mind, what is there to live for? After all, genuine faith is one that needs no questions—because they are never needed—faith is simply faith, and it alone can suffice.

With her own new book Christ the Lord out in the bookstands Anne Rice recognizes Brown’s talent as an author, saying the book is a page-turner, one that thrills anyone to no end because of its riveting suspense elements.

Furthermore, according to Rice, the Church is not one entity to be alarmed—since, for years, the motion picture industry has been one of its most useful media—insofar as their worldwide evangelization is concerned. This is where Rice takes on to say that the most interesting thing in the Da Vinci phenomenon is the overwhelming response by readers to the matter of their faith—which reflects their keenness in knowing better about the relationship with Christ.

If there’s one thing that meritorious about this work, it is its ability to awaken a lot of audiences about their relationship with the Savior, Jesus Christ.

Aside from audience’s mere curiosity, what is apparent is that most people, probably, mostly Christians at that, would want to really know much about the real Christ.

The mere fact that 40 million copies were sold worldwide attests that Christian believers the world over might need to reaffirm their faiths about the real, or the otherwise unfounded humanity of Christ.

Having existed for some 2,000 years, Christianity seems to face a question it might not have to truly answer categorically.

Too inane that in this age of modernity, man always has to [read: needs to] look at and even swim to [extremely] the other side [where they are] to only see how he himself is.


II
BrownMan Revival

In the midst of this brouhaha and crazy and varied reactions to Ron Howard’s adaptation of Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code, talking about it seriously still merits our full attention. With his controversial opus, Brown has posed a number of issues.


It throws open the issue whether Jesus Christ is ultimately divine—read: He had had no marital relations with a fellow human being, or had sired children.

This is nothing new—but to most people, offensive. Such perceived reality of course, is a far cry from their perennial knowledge of Jesus’ divinity,
Yet, in fiction, we are said to be bound to believe in any truths—as per the term, suspension of disbelief.

In reading a book as Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code or watching Ron Howard’s pathetic haphazard adaptation, we readers and audience, are thrown into the realities of the work itself.

Our disbelief—call them traces or hints of doubt about life in general—is literally “suspended” the moment we become passive audience, because we are predisposed to lounge into the realities, truths and fictions combined—being thrown to us by the author or director.

This is where and why and how so many people raise hell about showing the film to the public. This is because the literary work—either the book or the film—gradually becomes a powerful medium that works in the audience subliminally, creating mental associations in the individual mind, altogether forming truths in our consciousness.

Grading the movie R-18, MTRCB’s La Guardia, et. al., at least, have this to say: “The thematic, verbal and visual content of this fictionalized drama thriller requires mature discernment…”

Why so? Certainly because the film addresses the dilemma on one’s faith—by making the audience choose whether such Priory of Zion—which concealed shocking truths about Jesus Christ—ever existed. Minors are assumed to be less than age of reason, thus they are still being molded to become worthy and faithful, quote and unquote. Moral discernment is the job of a mature person—although most grownups—if at all—have hardly discerned any good thing in the society.

“Sub-themes involving corporal mortification and self-flagellation, as well as clerical assassinations, violent images and a fleeting sexual ritual—as well as thematic elements questioning the basic [Catholic] beliefs…need adult maturity to distinguish fact from fiction—to discern good from evil.” Minors, highly impressionable as they are supposed to be—should not be allowed [to watch].

Such tall order only poses more curiosity, isolating matters of faith into the realm of the mysterious, or extremely otherwise something which the young faithful have yet to work for all their lives.

Pathetically, it also discredits the image of the long-standing prelatures of Vatican, tactlessly [though indirectly] depicting Opus Dei as one sinister organization that for so long a time having to with concealing truths about the Holy Grail—er, the truths of Mary Magdalene’s [participation and even] primacy in the Church.

From such perceived truth in fiction, people will easily be made to believe that Mary of Magdala was indeed one person to reckon with as far as Christianity is concerned.

Here, Dan Brown preaches like a stanch feminist when he highlights Mary Magdalene’s vital role in the life of the Savior Jesus Christ. From here, then, Code somehow reads like Church herstory—still highlighting how the patriarchal male-dominated Vatican used its power to stifle the women’s role in the propagation of the faith, never at all allowed to take center stage. Dan Brown’s way of altering history—through fiction—is not at all pleasant, because it seeks to debunk established dogmas of the Church.

But the MTRCB at least, further recognizes the film’s poor elements, as follows: “It [the film] does not constitute a clear, express, or direct attack on the Catholic Church though some critical issues on generally accepted dogmas are raised.”

Arguments on Christ’s divinity and celibacy are tackled within academic discourse or theoretical contexts by the characters. De-mythologizing the very nature of an ascetic Christ has never been controversial as this one.

This, however, only seems to say how we human beings are limited—we constantly question and doubt—not being able to fathom the divine mystery. Why so? Again, because maybe the Church for all these time have been so doctrinaire, dogmatic and not so practical and attuned to the ways of the world—despite the desperate attempts of the religious to prove otherwise.

With Howard’s The Da Vinci Code, perhaps understood by more people than those who bought or read the sensational opus, Brown must have provided some of us to these questions, which we ourselves, only ourselves can hope to answer, if at all.

Therefore, as it is thus stated in the film’s rating sheet: “The owner is responsible to MTRCB for the publication of the film’s rating in all publicity ads,” we the audience are equally liable to what beliefs our hearts [will] suspend or, retain.

Gus Van Sant's 'Elephant'

Rating:	★★★★
Category:	Movies
Genre:	Documentary

Ignorance is darkness; innocence light.

Sometime in August this year, I happened to watch Gus Van Sant’s Elephant, a Palme d’Or winner in the 2003 Cannes Film Festival. Based on the 1999 Columbine school shootings in Jefferson, Colorado, the film documents the facts, fictions, and similar realities in US high schools. The camera panned out to the typical day in high school where ordinary and working students, high-class family members converge in an academic institution to study, play, work, or simply endure the day.

The film outraged my sense of normalcy and sanity when it showed how one student in the school entered the school and started killing students, teachers, staff and everyone else in the campus, as if he is in a Counterstrike game. Together with a classmate, the rebel student barraged the classrooms and school buildings with his high-powered firearm that he ordered through the internet and was delivered to his home when his parents went out to work.

The other students who are the main characters in the story would either survive or end up dead—depending on the circumstances they were in. In the end, the boy killed his own partner when he did not have anyone else to kill. In fact, the movie ended with the same boy cornering a boy and a girl who sneaked into the cafeteria’s kitchen to escape the terror, to no avail.

According to a source, the Columbine High School massacre occurred on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at Columbine High School , in Jefferson County, Colorado, near the cities of Denver and Littleton. Two teenage students, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, carried out a shooting rampage, killing twelve fellow students and a teacher, as well as wounding twenty-four others, before committing suicide. It is considered to be the deadliest school shooting, and the second deadliest attack on a school in US History.

A website source cites that the massacre provoked intense public debate on gun control laws and the availability of assault weapons in the United States. “Much discussion also centered on the nature of high school cliques and bullying, as well as the role of violent movies and video games in American society. Several of the victims who were mistakenly believed to have been killed due to their religious beliefs became a source of inspiration to others, notably Christians, and led some to lament the decline of religion in public education and society in general.”

As a consequence, the shooting also resulted in an increased emphasis on school security, and a moral panic aimed at goth culture, heavy metal music, social pariahs, the use of pharmaceutical anti-depressants by teenagers, violent movies and violent video games.”

The movie accentuates some points in Frank York’s “Soul Murder.” This world of ours ever witnesses a culture of violence every single day. Watching the movie, though, has made me think how our simple acts of indifference and apathy creeps into the souls of people around us; and how, in fact, such acts affect them to do something worse than how they perceived such indifference.

The whole scenario has sent me into securing materials that could otherwise promote love and cooperation among us around here in the school. Consciously I started using class-motivation materials which can more literally instill a sense of teamwork, self-respect and love.

For one, I used Blessid Union of Souls’ “I Believe” to help seniors in their pronunciation exercises. It’s a second look at racism and how we can help trash such stale, prejudiced attitude. To discuss ballads with the juniors, I used Cesar Verdeflor’s “22 Años” and Noel Cabangon’s “Lea,” two modern folk ballads that highlight the lives of men and women in the Philippine context. I also shelved Roman Polanski’s Macbeth [1971] produced by Playboy Productions. I willingly did so because of its violent content—the decapitation of the king as he succumbed to the consequences of his own greed and vainglory.

On the other hand, I used Asin’s “Ikaw, Kayo, Tayo” in order to promote to the West Waves staff members their social responsibility as future journalists who are critics of the present society. The song inspires in them they have to recognize their own roles in order to effect change in the society—which is I think—why we are teaching high school students in the first place.

More important, I contemplate using Noel Cabangon’s “Awit para sa mga Bata.” In that song, Noel Cabangon does make a staunch statement on having to destroy the barriers between youth of all classes in society. Social realities make it clear that people exist on social classes; they sometimes live their respective stratum in society, its respective needs and wants, its sense of values or the lack of them.

Today’s young people are the chances of this present generation to redeem itself from tyranny, moral degeneration, and the indifference of its constituents. They are indispensable aces in life’s poker game—so to speak—where players by the name of ignorance, gross lack of knowledge and immorality have everything destined for them.

Today’s youth are the opportunities in life that rather pass unnoticed because of the grownup’s shortsightedness and self-absorption. Such dismal realities are driven primarily by guilt for its past sinfulness and misguided militancy, efforts wrongly directed and motivations largely by angst and malice.

Let the children’s free will and intellect do much of the reckoning. Let their freedom allow them to be themselves—happy and free.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

The moral degeneration of today’s youth is determined by where—what environment, forces, influences, temperaments—they are situated, where they live. By and large, they just live the culture that imposes itself on them.

Life is indeed darkness save when there is urge,
And all urge is blind save when there is knowledge,
And all knowledge is vain save when there is work,
And all work is empty save when there is love.

A Story of Names

Manuel

The father who had not had much chance to make himself known to his children—especially the younger ones—when he died very young at 34, must have been a well-loved son, for his is the Spanish name for the Messiah, at least according to the Roman Catholic tradition. The Spanish influence cannot be more real and authentic than in their names. His brood—Bienvenido, Camilo, Rosita, Alberto, Zenaida, and Edmundo—was itself a bunch of Spanish sensibilities. Moreover, his is one fine selection in the brood of his father’s whose names are either biblical or committed to religiosity—Inocencio, Rosario, Clemente, etc.

 

 

Emma

The eldest child of the union between one Bikolano adventurer cum well-trained bachelor Emiliano and a conservative barrio chieftain’s daughter Margarita is one prime specie. Emma is one name whose realization has gone beyond its elegant meaning. Such name says there is no further need to elaborate on a life gracefully lived, on a life truly shared with one real, deep sense of God—one of grace, suffering, and glory. No other name can be more beautiful.

 

 

Emmanuel

As his mother Emma must have been serendipitously a conjoined name of her parents’ names [Emiliano & Margarita], so is Emmanuel [Emma and Manuel], whom we can say as the penultimate namesake of the Savior, primarily according to the wishes and aspirations of Emma and Manuel. This boy’s first name sounds well with his father’s name as the sound of [Emmanue]”l” segue-ways very smartly with the sound of “M”[anaog], perhaps a chic way of naming a junior for the father—perhaps to perpetuate the traits of the conscientious father in the eldest son. Aptly enough, this name proved fitting for a continued collaboration for life when after his father’s untimely death, his mother would always call on her eldest son “Awel”—a nickname no different from his father’s—in all her dire efforts to make ends meet, to bring up the lot, carry crosses, and other similar stories.

 

 

Neil Romano

The year Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, the couple was graced with the second boy. There was no other way but to perpetuate a historic milestone—global scale at that. “Romano” must have been added as a perfect counterpart for the astronaut’s “strong arms,” reflecting the father’s penchant for celebrity or fixation for virility and the mother’s religious sensibility, or the couple’s sense of history. Such name speaks well for a fine young man whose adventurous spirit brought him to places. And possibilities.

 

 

Alex Apolinario

A third son spells fulfillment not just for the father whose name will be perpetuated for life, but also for the woman who so desires and loves her husband. The couple’s keen sense of history accounts for the Apolinario—as the boy shares his birthday with that of the Filipino paralytic Apolinario Mabini. The two names spell the yin-yang nature of things—one is as courageous as the foreign conqueror Alex[ander], the other is as meek as it sounds and as it suggests. Stark reality always features the two sides of things—hot and cold, black and white, every time. Every time.

 

 

Clemente

For the couple, a fourth boy can be something—ideally someone that—by still being a boy—rather breaks the monotony. It validates finally that this couple’s tribe—so to speak—must be so prolific. The name given to this wild card was something to gratify God, as in the deep sense of gratitude. Or the name of the father’s father must be something to reckon with. The serenity, composure, and diligence epitomized by the grandfather is one rather worth emulating—or at least, worth perpetuating. Not to mention that stories had it—that Emma was Clemente’s “favorite” daughter in-law—whatever this means, such fondness can just be a mere story to us, a classic account whose validity we cannot overstate—but only witness.

 

 

Rosario

God must have recognized the couple’s gratitude in Clemente, and thus magically responded it through an equally beautiful gift—the first and the sole daughter who was named after the father’s mother. After four sons, a jewel has come to shine in Rosario, a much-loved replication of an equally meek, graceful, and humble existence. This flower among the thorns glows at least in the heart of the mother who has continually hoped for something better. Rosario delineates such gift, such blessing, such grace.

 

 

Niño

The subdued warrior spirit in the father and his genes must have been a potent force to have the fifth boy in the brood. In fact, the father’s and mother’s genes are male-dominated. Manuel’s father Clemente was a diligent farmer who quietly toiled the lands but enchanted one of the finest Cepe girls in a flourishing barrio in Iriga after the First World War. With her wife Rosario, they had five sons and two daughters. The mother’s father was a bold, well-bred mestizo who rather braved to leave an idyllic Mayon countryside in Pioduran to explore the other beauties of the region, and was enchanted by the fineness of one Filipino-Chinese politico’s daughter who lived in a flourishing coastline empire by the San Miguel Bay. They had four sons and two daughters. The male hormone is potent in both sides. Niño only spells one thing—the male specie lives on—adventurous, courageous, strong-willed, and youthful as ever, forever.

 

 

What more could Emma and Manuel ask for? They asked Divine Providence to form a basketball team—five players and a muse. So they were given. Theirs is indeed such a blessed union—one that entailed joy because it is gifted; one that entailed suffering because it is blessed. Their names speak of God, and the couple’s constant commitment to share their sense of humankind [read: human’s kind] and God’s kindness and greatness.

 

 

Great names, great lives.

 

 

 

Tongue&Chic

Reading Two Women Authors from Antique

 

 

Mid-May 2006, the University of San Agustin’s Coordinating Centerfor Research and Publications under the leadership of Prof. Jigger Latoza and Production Director John Iremil Teodoro proudly launched two new poetry collections.

 

Written by two women authors from Antique, the works represent the two generations of writers in the West Visayas. The first book—Ang Pagsurat…Bayi—is a Kinaray-a poetry collection by Maria Milagros Geremia-Lachica, a Sibalom resident who now works in a cancer research center in New   Jersey.  The second work—Pula ang Kulay ng Text Message—is a collection of new and previously published poetry in various languages by Genevieve Asenjo, a 28-year old De La Salle professor who hails from Dao (Tobias Fornier), Antique.

 

Production Director Teodoro, who is also the director of USA’s Fray Luis De Leon Creative Writing Institute, considers the books launch a tremendous success, saying that they have contributed to the birthing of two new poets. Teodoro notes that the achievement stems from the privilege to have published works in the vernacular, namely Kinaray-a, which is one of the thrusts of the said academic institution.

 

 

Maria Milagros Geremia-Lachica

Ang Pagsurat…Bayi (Writing is…Woman):

Poetry in Kinaray-a with English Translations

IloiloCity: USA Publishing House, 2006

 

Coming with English translations, Ang Pagsurat…Bayi (Writing is…Woman), Lachica’s thick collection of Kinaray-a poetry features four sections, each of which depicting a woman’s sensitivity [sense and sensibility] that borders social realism, an age-old clamor for social equality inspired by liberation theology.

 

Considered a classic text in Humanities classes in UP in the Visayas, Lachica’s “Lupa Kag Baybay sa Pinggan,” which also is the title of the second section, draws a persona who suffers the daily toil of agricultural work—a farmer perhaps among the rest of the society, thus laments his litany of legwork, all in the name of life and limb—“Maarado/ mamanggas/ mang-abono/ mangani/ malinas/ mapahangin/ manglay-ang/ mapagaling/ manahup/ matig-ang.”

 

The farmer persona bears all the hard work, enumerating his tasks for the day of work, religiously and categorically, as in the list of things to do, for one purpose—“para gid lang pinggan ni Nonoy masudlan”

 

Here, Lachica’s socio-political angst surfaces as the persona articulates their seemingly enormous lack of the basic necessities needed to survive—pero kan-un pa lang dya/ wara pa maabay gani/ kon pano ang pagsarok/ kang baybay/ agud mahimo/ ang asin nga darapli”

 

Salt as food provides a painfully powerful symbol of poverty, especially in the Philippine rural areas, where the author herself drew out the experience.

 

Lachica laments that in her college days in UP, a humanities teacher allowed them to explore the social realities by way of immersing themselves in the situations of the rural folk, most of them live below the poverty line—or to be more trite, dwell in the margins. Later they would have to “write something about it.”

 

Therefore, considering that this poem was somehow a product of the said social immersion, Lachica admits that she saw the real plight of the poor, an experience which does not fail to enrich the words and images in the literary work itself—“Kag sa pinggan ni Nonoy/ Liwan magakitaay/ Ang lupa kag baybay.”

 

Also evident in the book is the persona’s struggle to find oneself in the “real world” out there—as in the fourth section titled “Pagsaka sa Ulo ni Lady Liberty” (Ascent to Lady Liberty’s Crown), which largely contains works written when the author was already out of the country—reminiscences, nostalgia and other similar stories.

 

While the first section “Sa Mga Kaimaw sa Turugban” chronicles different sensibilities and personas, the book’s other sections sentimentalize memory and nostalgia, speaking of the transitions in life—as when the mother sees her daughter wheeze away her time from childhood to youth—“Ugaring kadya nga adlaw/ gamay na nga mga alima/ wara run pagkapyut kanakun/ kundi sa balonan ka tubig/ ang naglaukdo ka knapsack na nga likod/ kag gamay na paris ka batiis/ maisug sa pagpanaw”

 

The first recipient of CCP awards and grants for Kinaray-a writing, Lachica offers her work “to share the natural gifts of the world, to celebrate the constant flow of life and the freedom of thoughts, to honor the language of my ancestors.”

 

Featuring lamentations and observations in her native tongue, Lachica’s work stems from her very core, especially believing “we may find ourselves in the far-flung corners of the world, but passing the language on to our children ensures that the link from generations before us remains unbroken.”

 

A student of workshops of Leoncio Deriada, literary icon in the region who has since advocated the use and integration of the vernacular in oral and written literature, Lachica likewise sees the need for us [writers] to translate the works [we have written] in our own language so we could be understood by the rest of the world. Though much yet can be said about the collection, such realizations can shed light on Lachica’s work, among other things.

 

In all, the work is a brave attempt to chronicle the loves of one woman who wants to make a mark in the world, one whose life is being lived to the fullest.

 

 

Genevieve L. Asenjo

Pula Ang Kulay ng Text Message

Iloilo City: USA Publishing House, 2006

 

Since her winning poem in Home Life in 1997, Genevieve Asenjo has gone to win Palanca awards in recent years, until the Fray Luis De Leon Creative Writing Institute awarded her this book grant in 2005.

 

‘Cosmopolitan’ is how John Iremil Teodoro, fellow award-winning writer and publishing director, describes Asenjo’s style of writing, citing that her works read a la “Sex and the City”—or more aptly, “Text and the City.”

 

Starting with the book’s title itself, “Pula ang Kulay ng Text Message,” or even portraying experiences in the mall—“Eyeball”—and attachments to one’s origins—“Long Distance Call”—most poems in the collection are profuse imageries, which altogether give birth to an independent, liberated, and empowered woman. It is good to note that imagery and irony stand out as merits of this poetry collection.

 

In “Suso,” Asenjo presents a new image of an empowered woman—not the enhanced woman, but one who keeps “abreast” with her own dilemma. In this age of liposuction, botox, and Vicky Belo, the persona asks the same question posed on women nowadays—does size really matter?

 

Sarcastically and beautifully, then, she takes “no” for an answer, taking pride in what small breasts can do, thus—“Itong mga suso ay maliliit/ na mga suso. Hindi na/ kailangang tumago sa Wonder/ bra ng Avon, Sara Lee, at Triumph.”

 

To her, small breasts are a plus, instead—because they are lighter, easier, fondler, er—“Payak sa sukat, may gaan/ sa mga kamay ang pagbalangkas—/ hapulas.” To the persona herself, small breasts are nothing but advantage. For, in the midst of hungry eyes and sex-slavering men, they, in fact, triumph—“Itong mga suso/ ay payat. Nililigtas ako/ sa hipo’t titig, tayo’t tigas—/ sa kalsada, malls, dyip at bus.”

 

Without needing a Wonder Bra, small breasts in themselves create “wonders” for their owners—“Itong mga suso ay mahihiwagang mga suso. Kilalang-kilala ko—/ muli’t/ muli,/ nagiging sanggol/ ang isang lalaki.” Humorously wry and brimming with succulent imagery, the poem elevates a woman’s sex and sensibility to a higher plane, perhaps in some place where size [or the lack of it] really matters.

 

At best, Asenjo considers “Oyayi sa Tag-Ulan,” Home Life’s best English poem in 1997, her ars poetica—her own definition of the poetic craft. “Oyayi” introduces to us a lovelorn persona who misses her significant other at the start of the rainy season—“Kapag ganitong umuulan/ bumubuhos ang kahidlaw/ sa aking dughan./ Tag-ulan kasi nang umalis ka.”

 

Despite her lover’s absence, the nostalgic persona still nurtures perhaps the magic of poetry she shared with him—“kahit nag-iisa na lang ako/ patuloy ko pa ring inaararo ang taramnanan ng pagsulat.” The lover’s absence does not at all stop her from pursuing—rather it inspires her to nurture the craft, as if to relive the company of the lover, especially now that the rains have come.

 

Just like farming, poetry entails hard work and real toil. And thus considered the highest form of art or language, poetry a “disciplined discipline”—“naisab-og ko na/ ang binhi kong mga kataga./ Aabunuhan ko ito ng pagsasanay.”

 

Ultimately, it is the writer’s task to cultivate his own craft, and bring to perfection, or fruition—“payayabungin sa tensyon ng mga/ unos at salot, bubunutan ng mga ligaw/ na metapora, at aanihin sa lamigas/ ng kalipay.” The persona holds on to writing craft, as she is holding on to the magic between her and her lover, whom she hopes one day will return—“Nasisiguro kong hanggat buhay/ at tutuo ang mga binalaybay/ sa ating kaluluwa, habang may/ tagtaranum sa bawat tag-ulan,/ uuwi ka pa rin.”

 

Aside from its sly experimentation with the language, infusing non language into a predominantly Tagalog verse—with the use of words like binalaybay (poem) kalipay (happiness), kahidlaw (longing), tagtaranum (planting season), etc., Asenjo’s piece is also lyrical, being a poem about a poem.

 

With such one-of-a-kind language and imagery, neatly juxtaposing writing and farming/planting, and creating powerful effects of coherent images, “Oyayi” succeeds as Asenjo’s masterpiece, her ars poetica.

 

Of this fine collection by the author, National Artist for Literature Nominee Cirilo Bautista, has this to say—“Ang kabalintunaan ang malakas niyang sandata upang ipahayag ang kanyang saloobin at damdamin.”

 

Bautista is confident that the author will certainly go a long, long way—“Dahil mahusay ang wika at matapat ang kanyang pagsusuri sa kanyang kapaligiran, siya ay magiging mahalang makata ng ating bansa.”

 

 

Published in The Daily Tribune, November 3, 2006.

Poe3

Notes on Three Poets

 

 

Thomas Stearns Eliot [1888–1965], Anglo-American

 

Poetry is not a turning loose of an emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality. —From “Tradition and the Individual Talent,” 1919

 

Born to a well-to-do family and a religious lineage, this serious poet had lived a life full of strife, diligence and sensible genius. All the events in his long life—serious study, frail health, influence, conversion to Anglican Church, marriage to a madwoman, careers as bank clerk, teacher, etc.—show a well-lived existence, one that is maximized or if not totally actualized.

 

Eliot’s poetry and literary criticism existed complimentarily. His critical essays on literature paved the way for his own modern poetry, which in most ways elaborates on the doing away with the traditional notions of such discipline.

 

His significant body of work beautifully fleshes out the world of anxiety, ruin and decay. Eliot’s “The Waste Land” (1922) sums it up. Nevertheless, the sensibilities in these works seem to further on to anticipating redemption after all the desolation and despair.

 

Highly regarded as the significant poet of the twentieth century, Eliot has always been worth the trouble for readers who think his poetry is dense, undecipherable, distant, and foreign.

 

 

 

 

Gerard Manley Hopkins [1884–1889], British

 

Take breath and read it with the ears, as I always wish to be read, and my verse becomes all right.—From Selected Letters

 

Hardly known as a poet in his time, the Protestant-turned-Jesuit was predominantly spiritual, and definitely religious.

 

Hopkins’ dilemma was summed as—To be a Jesuit is to be selfless, to be a poet is otherwise. Nevertheless, he wrote much all throughout his life.

 

“I do not write for the public. You are my public,” Hopkins once wrote to poet friend Robert Bridges. Being a priest and writing peculiar and inventive poetry just jived according to his own sensibilities.

 

Introducing “inscape” and “spring rhythm,” Hopkins’ poetry contained word experimentation, irregular patterning, extensive use of sounds, movement, explosions of images and rhythm—all these were hardly recognized at his time, and much hailed by later generation of poets.

 

Such distinctive style of poetry complements his concept of redefining poetry itself by experimenting the form—and it is in this freeing from the restrictive form that he makes clear that the self becomes more than authentic, pure and true.

 

 

 

 

Rainer Maria Rilke [1875–1926], Swiss-Austrian

 

Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angelic orders?—From Duino Elegies: “First Elegy,” 1912

 

Rilke’s privileged and hard childhood was brought about by his parents’ dual, disparate aspirations for him.

 

His extensive travels afforded him the needed artistic growth, as he was exposed to different cultures, forms of art and significant influential personalities such as sculptor Auguste Rodin.

 

These exposures and similar literary immersions provided if not necessarily compelled him to put forth his creative talent in writing poetry. Largely, his poetic works were inspired by such experiences—his elegies were written in free verse.

 

Rilke’s literary output seeks to do away with personal subjectivity, allowing things themselves to dominate the life of the poem.

 

Rilke’s angels in his Elegies delineate his symbol for the essence of poetry. These beings, different from the ones we know in the Judeo-Christian tradition, refer to the existence that borders between the human world and the higher realm. They attempt to elucidate the intricacies of human existence.